I'm down, not out

Should I stay? I shout to the house.

I’m the best you’ve got, tell me I’m wrong.

I mean, who can lie, cheat and bluster like me,

and still they shout for more, as I sing my swan song.


Rishi might be smooth, but he’s not me.

Liz tries her best, but she can’t wear a vest

and still command respect from the gullible

pets that voted for me and say I am the best.


Pennnnny looks the part, commander of the waves,

but her untruths are delivered so poorly, amateurly.

Not like me, who ducks and dives, when the lies

jump out to meet me, and my plebs cover me so stupidly.


I’m the captain of this ship, and I decide when the ride

of fun, debauchery and depravity will end.

I only have allies and sycophants, not friends;

there’s a reason I have several monkeys at number 10.


You never know when a photo will come in handy,

keep the plebs down, throw them spare bits of candy

and snap the moment for the future, when they get randy

Drinks and cake may be my legacy, but they’ll go down with me.


Just to let you know, the party was the best,

thanks for being so generous, what a venue Chequers is-

I’m gonna miss it; maybe I won’t need to leave any time soon.

So come on you wannabes, keep up the badness,

and maybe I can keep the rooms with gold embossed paper,

and the servant labour, leaving much, much later.


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